Rules... Boys Unplugged...

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear from the female side.

The Rules
Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note, these are all numbered 1 ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.

Courtesy: A mail from a friend Saket Sharma

The Best Company in India...

My Company (ABC Pvt. Ltd.) is the Best Company in India... becoz it is the only company which recruits all the best brains in a batch in the Colleges which it visits for recruitment... there are few points every employee in ABCPL should know...

1. ABCPL pays a compensation which is second highest in the market for the freshers... after 1 year it is the Competitors freshers who receive more than the 1yr experienced guy at ABCPL.

2. As a step to cut its costs, it introduced the Employee Benefit Plan, to save the bucks from the food sudsidy of Rs. 20.00 per meal per day per employee.

Calculation: 20 * (52*5) (No. of Meals in a year per employee) * (60000) (Approx no. of employees) = Rs. 312 Million per year.

In turn showing the emplyee that they would save tax on an amount of Rs. 36000.00 (approx Rs. 3600.00 per year per employee) (previously each employee received Rs. 5200.00 benefit for the food subsidy)

3. Annuation Fund... for God's sake no employee would stay for life in ABCPL, so the fund you contribute towards it is not accessible till u retire... since noo other company has this format implemented... my suggestion invest in an annuity tht will help you for ur pension, and the fund is accessible to you whenevr u want...

4. Medical Benefit... the amount stays with ABCPL until u submit ur claims... means interest for ABCPL... more profit...

5. The end year appraisal was delayed by 3 months so that they interfere with the mid-year appraisal thing... to stop/delay promotions...

6. The ACs are shut down many times between the day, they call it as the Maintenance period, arey bhai kitne baar maintenance karoge...? Previously, the ACs were shut down at 8.00pm, but now, sometimes they shut them down at 7.30p.m. ... ppl are not bothered... most associates got habituated with these cheap tricks...

7. Coffee cups were made smaller in size (chota cup, kam daam; less coffee/tea more savings)

8. Recently, they introduced the Cafe Coffee Day coffee machine... associates liked it as a result, the coffee usage grew (bole toh loss...)... so they put back the previously installed NesCafe coffee making unit... giving an excuse, Coffee concentrate out of stock, or Coffee unit is damamged, or most ppl didn't like d coffee frm the CCD coffee dispensing unit... I have no reason to complain, since I might have a coffee/tea once in a fortnight or a month...

9. Use of sub-standard tissue-paper in the Wash-room.

10. Ask for some stationery from the Help-desk, We're out of stock, supplies will come this Friday, is the reply... so that we do not bother them again during the week... On Friday, the stocks were in but there was a limited supply...

11. Green World initiative, less paper for print... (limited to 25 pages, previously 30)... notebooks have now lesser pages (previously 60, now 4), size reduced to one-fourth of earlier... then how do u make notes...?

12. Alike all other IT & ITes companies, associates are trained on some Tech and are asked to work on a different tech... keep me out I'm not trained on any technology... they feel its not my cup of tea...

I don't know if I'm correct with my explanation or interpretation... please comment...

24th September...

Strangely, the days we are supposed to celebrate, teach us lessons which we are never ready for. This was the day when I stepped into my professional career, I started earning bucks on my own. But, this was the same day when I learnt to live in fear, no it is not the Organizational threat, it was a lesson from Mother Nature...

On 24th September 2007, I was ready to attend my First Day at Office with the enthusiasm of a child who was being taken to a fun-park... My dad accompanied me to my Office, he waited at the gate till I waved him bye, just before entering into the Office... but then rain intervened and everyone standing at the gate to see-off the Freshers were welcomed to the lobby area to take shelter... I thanked God for giving me an opportunity to see my dad again before the journey began... I was feeling like a child being taken away from his/her mother... I decided to take the step towards accepting reality as it comes...

When I tried to relieve myself from the awkward feeling, I realized the interiors of my new-Workplace resembled some unrealistic movie set-up. We were asked to wait in a class room. The class-room however resembled a Hi-tech class-room in my Engineering college. The recruitment team head came to welcome us to the Corporate World. In few minutes they started with their routine procedure for new-joinees. We were supposed to Sign some documents and attend an Orientation programme designed for new-joinees. The recruitment team head who gave the welcome lecture, said, We do not have employee bonds in Cognizant. The reason they assume is that, Associates do not quit Cognizant since, the love it. However, reality is quite far away...

In an hours time, we finished signing all the documents that they wanted us to get signatures on. Then came the Party time, someone came up in the break time, and said that we would be distributed Free Meal Coupons... we felt like, we were at the right place at the right time... The food was at its normal quality standards...(nothing out of the box)... but little did we know, as time passes away... choice becomes habit and habit loses its essence...

At 3.00 PM, we had a topic for gossiping... wht Tech and Vertical we wud be assigned... but in a quarter hour... the results were out... my dream to be a developer were shattered to pieces... Some good man arrvied and announced that associates from Mechanical Engg and Civil Engg branches were allocated to Testing Domain...

In the evening, at 6.30 PM, when I came out of the Office it was still raining cats and dogs, just to say that Mother Nature was shedding tears which I barricaded in my eyes. That is when I realized that, I should the share the amazing feeling of what it is to be in a Job, with my Mom and Sis back home. I rushed to the Telephone Booth and made 2 quick fire calls to my Home and my very dear friend, Divya. I had to tell many things about my office, to my mother and sister, but time was short, since, I had to accompany my dad to railway station, to catch his train for return journey.

We packed up his baggage and were set to leave at 7.30PM. Once again rain intervened with an increased intensity. None of the Taxis were ready to take us to the railway station, since the road was waterlogged with water up to 1feet height. When we were all out of options, we decided to board a Local Bus. The buses were overcrowded due to unavailability of Taxis. The first bus which crossed the bus stop, was over-overcrowded. The next bus attender/conductor, didn't allow us to board with the single bag we were carrying. I asked my dad to board the bus from the front entrance, I somehow managed to board the bus from the rear entrance along with the bag. After 90 mins of gruelling journey aboard the bus, we reached the Howrah station.

Still to add...

Rakhi...

Rakhi was special this year... I celebrated Rakshabandhan this year very far away from my only sibling... until I studied in Jr College, I always had my sister tying the Rakhi to my wrist... when I went to pursue my Graduation in an Engg College, I'd some of my frnds doing the honours... currently I'm left out in a place, where I need to call up a frnd of mine to tie the Rakhi my sister sent across since I could not be home for the occasion... I'm stuck up in a place I cannot even giv the Gift face-to-face to my deserving sister... and the Icing on the cake... people around the place I work/stay don't even celebrate Rakhi... they have some festival called Bhai Dhuj...

In fact Rakhi as a festival was not celebrated amongst the people of Andhra, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu or Kerala... the celebration is limited to Northern India where the Sisters-Brothers await this occasion... but the beauty of the Occasion is that it gives a Brother the chance to re-vow the God-written writ of protecting his sister against all evils... so people started celebrating Rakhi across the states in India irrespective of the Religion... now it has become a trend for every brother to gift his sister on this auspicious occasion...

I spent my childhood at home quarelling with my sister, I would knotch her hair, fight on silly things... I caused injuries which left scars on her face... but, now I would not resist even my Mom or Dad complaining against my sister... neither would I allow anyone outside my family to even speak a negative word for my sister...

Gold for the Land of Gold

How do you interpret the success of a Billion people...

A parliament that brings cash to play cheap tricks...
The Richest Family Feud fighting it out in&out of the court...
25% people living below the Poverty Line...
Live Broadcast of the investigation of a Murder mystery...
Parallel live coverage of the investigation of a lost pet of a celebrity...
or the First Individual Gold Medal in Olympics since its participation in 108 years of participation...

Once believed to the Richest Country in the World... INDIA lost most of the Wealth when the Britons invaded... this also changed the Fate and Face of India on the World map... now literally we run after every single paise... this can be attributed to a loss of the Confidence in itself... people stopped believing in themselves... we need all the pleasures in the World but we won't work hard enough to acheive it since, we feel exhausted... not because it's tough but bcoz we don't know the taste of Success...

Today, when Abhinav Bindra claimed his Gold Medal... we are ready to attribute the success to India... but what did India as a country do for him... or for that reason any other Sports person...
Someone rightly said, Success has many fathers but Failure is an Orphan...

Are we ready to accept sports as a Profession... but we need India to go to the Olympics, FIFA, ICC World Cup, F1, Tennis Grand Slams and Win in every other such competition... a few Rich people can afford their children to be Sportsperson since they can afford the less lucrative field with Greater Glory... they are strong enough to take this risk...

So, the next time parents and children discuss this Gold Medal, they former should think twice before rejecting a plea from later if the child wants to be a Sportsperson...

The person who said, Winning is not everything, you need to give it your best... I'm sure he/she did Win after many losses... India is trying to emulate this person...

But I believe, As long as you compete, Winning is everything...

We want Gold but we are not ready to refine it from its crude form....

Free Ideas

Free are the ideas which refer to freedom as a state of mind.... most people think tht free ideas are those that make u free... but in my opinion free ideas are those tht concern the freedom of nature... Free ideas come to our mind when we are in restrictions... Lower The Degrees of Freedom for a body, greater is the tendency to break-free... these restrictions are physical for most persons so their free ideas do not do as much good as the actual free ideas do... they come in when the restrictions are far beyond the thought of mind deep inside the heart... So make ur mind free to think free but dont take decisions impulsively........... nvr be mechanical at thinking... mark my words since I'm a Mechanical Engineer by education... I can surely say u tht when our thoughts become mechnical we'll have no freedom...

Smile a lot it helps u start think positively and freely

Back to Home

Its 6.00PM and I'm trying to finish up the work I have messed up all day... reason... go back to home... what would I do at home is a question, I won't expected anyone to as me... since that would puzzle me... so how good is my judgement to leave the office early...

I have identified some reasons which might be applicable to you in one way or the other...
One good reason... you'll have more time to spend with you family...
Moreover, you'll have your share of the clock... might be play some Videogame, Watch a flick, stick to the TV for some daily soap... or any news you could collect from your news paper which you did not read in the morning...

From a public view point... when we return hope we can take our family out to dinner or watch some movie in a theatre... this would help the Restaurants or Movie Theatres to earn some more profits and better revenues to Government in terms of taxes paid by these units... additionally you had your part of fun with family... also greater the taxes paid by corporates, hotels, Multiplexes... lesser will be the taxation on your net available salary...

In a country like India where we have power crisis to an extent that many villages are un-eletrified... and most of them have a power cut extending to 16 hrs a day... the icing on the cake... we do not have Day-Light saving time format... so we consume the same or even more electricity even if we have a scope of minimising the loss... when I/You leave early from your office... you save the part electricity consumed by your Office/Organisation on behalf of you...

Also, you are motivated to be in time to the Office next day... so you are in a better mood to work... this in turn causes you to wind up your work early... additionally when you work in a fresh and bright mood... your work is better than expected... company more returns... might be a smaller hike in your take home salary as the bonus you receive...

Now... you should suggest... is it wrong on my part to plan to leave the Office early...

Nomenclature

Why does the name of something be of concern anyway... people are called by Names... you would say to Identify the person in a crowd... but then names are not unique... so naming persons does not serve the purpose of identifying some body... lets pick a numbering pattern... say Numeric... like 1, 2, 3... and so on... this will be of lesser help since... you cannot identify who is related to whom... like the Father-Son, Mother-Daughter, Sister-Brother relation etc.. so we might need a Alpha numeric pattern... like ABC001, ABC002, ABC003... and so on... then we have a relation stating the Family as "ABC" and 001 has the head of the family... sorry I skipped the female members... now-a-days since women do not believe in changing their surnames... this would sound like...
ABC001, FGH003, ABC002, ABC003... confusion and ambiguity...
Also, we cannot identify the Caste, Creed, Race etc. in this nomeclature, since the Government needs to implement reservation... higher caste person wants to identify himself among a group of people... a person from a race (which is supposed to be developed) wants to see upon his counterpart who is lagging behind in the evolution chain...

So we need to search for another pattern... might be a pattern which retains the Surname and has a Number tagged to it like...
WILLIAM001, WILLIAM002 and so on... but there may be two Surnames which are spelled alike but have a different origin (or belong to different families)... this ambiguity may be removed by tagging a Place, like UK-WILLIAM001, US-WILLIAM001, IND-WILLIAM001 and so on...
Now we need to consider Non-Resident Citizens... for them we need to mention both Countries... like... IND-PAK-WILLIAM001, US-UK-WILLIAM001, and so on... but we need to stress on the current citizenship Nation... for example in IND-WILLIAM001 now stays in PAKISTAN but has INDIAN Citizenship, then he would be called... IND-PAK-WILLIAM001, once he gets a major citizenship in PAKISTAN, he should be called PAK-IND-WILLIAM001... hey this raises a concern with his change of name in Passport, D/L, Ration Card, Green Card and all other such documents... this would need a tedious process and procedure to be adapted...

After all this discussion... I conclude that... the existing nomenclature is good enough for the current generation to cope up with... In future generations, new Naming patterns should be identified, so that we understand the statement from William Shakespeare...
Whats in a Name...