Appraisal Letter

Appraisal letter from a Project Leader about his team member:

Dear Manager (HR),

Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found

hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek  works independently, without

wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never

thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended

measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be

classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be

dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be

promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

sent away as soon as possible.

Signed

Project Leader

And then read the second mail, sent immediately!!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In second mail same manager wrote:

NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report

sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, and 13)

for my true assessment of him.

 

Credits: Anu Shree Prabha, who forwarded this mail.

Software Testing

A university scholar, Mr. John Smith approaches his friend a software-testing guru telling him that he has a Bachelor in programming, and now would like to learn the software testing to complete his knowledge and to find a job as a software tester.

After summing him up for a few minutes, the software-testing guru told him "I seriously doubt that you are ready to study software testing. It's a serious topic. If you wish, however I am willing to examine you in logic, and if you pass the test I will teach you software testing. "

The young man agrees. Software testing guru holds up two fingers "Two men come down a chimney. One comes with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?

The young man stares at the software-testing guru. "Is that a test in Logic?" Software testing guru nods. Young man replies: "The one with the dirty face washes his face,"

"Wrong. The one with the clean face washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So; the one with the clean face washes his face."

"Very clever" Says Smith. "Give me another test"

The software-testing guru again holds up two fingers "Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?

"We have already established that. The one with the clean face washes his face"

"Wrong. Each one washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So; the one with the clean face washes his face. When the one with the dirty face sees the one with the clean face washing his face, he also washes his face. So each one washes his face"

"I didn't think of that!" Says Smith. " It's shocking to me that I could make an error in logic. Test me again!."

The software-testing guru holds up two fingers "Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?

"Each one washes his face"

"Wrong. Neither one washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. But when the one with clean face sees that the one with the dirty face doesn't wash his face, he also doesn't wash his face. So neither one washes his face".

Smith is desperate. "I am qualified to study software testing. Please give me one more test"

He groans when the software-testing guru lifts his two fingers, "Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?

"Neither one washes his face"

"Wrong. Do you now see, John, why programming knowledge is an insufficient basis for studying the software testing? Tell me, how is it possible for two men to come down the same chimney, and for one to come out with a clean face and the other with a dirty face? Don’t you see?

Credits: Anupam Kumar for sharing this fantastic article.

Word Scrabble - Excellent Examples

PRINCESS DIANA: When you rearrange the letters: END IS A CAR SPIN

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES, LETS RECOUNT

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

And the last one is always the best one :D

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER!!

Latest Addition…

SURESH KALMADI: When you rearrange the letters: SIR U MADE LAKHS

Welcome to the "Stock" Market

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the Villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs. 10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the Villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs. 20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started

Catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs. 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs. 50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs. 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs. 50.

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!

 

Welcome to the "Stock" Market!

Woman in life... The Insurance Way...

This is no typical Women oriented read... please bear with the rubbish...

Alert!!! Insurance jargon widely used.

When a boy likes a girl and proposes to her, via a Love Letter, e-mail etc., its Application Submission. The girl then Underwrites (analyses) the risk of accepting his Application. Once she is satisfied that the Application can be Approved, she Issues a Policy Document (reply to Love letter) to the Boy. Then their relationship is in Waiting status, since the girl awaits her first Present/Gift. Once the boy gifts her after receipt of the Policy Document, their relationship moves to Active status. Later on when they regularly meet at Restaurants and Discotheques, the policy/relation stays active. If there is a delay in planning such events/occasions, their relation comes to Pending conditions, thereafter the situations could go bad, resulting in a breakup, relation going to a Lapse status.

Each year they celebrate anniversaries and share dividends in the form of gifts and happiness. In course of time, the guy runs out of cash (assigning any reason like no salary rise etc.) to plan the restaurant & pub visits. If their relationship has accumulated a good will (cash value), he submits an application for getting married to the girl (we call it the Vanishing Premium provision). Once accepted, their relationship surges ahead for marriage and these two get Engaged. Then the relation runs on a machinery which is financed by the Relationship itself (might be the parents of either of the two financing the marriage). This provision is valid till they get married and the boy is forced to find a better paying job bear the marriage.

If the marriage application is rejected, the boy has to take a loan and plan the activities anyway. Sometimes when the relationship has not acquired enough good-will, and the guy runs out of cash, then the relationship is forced to go to a Lapsed status, where he can no longer afford the relationship.

Some lesser mortals, resort to quit the relationship resulting in Surrender of the gifts (accumulated good-will), when their bank balances resemble potatoes. Some other settle for a girl who is less expensive in terms of maintenance, Reduced Paid-Up provision. In some more cases, the relationship comes to a halt, where there is no future for the relationship, and they fall into Extended Term relationship. When the going gets even tougher, some guys resort to No-Contact with the girl strategy, which results in a relation Expiry.

In all the above cases, the boy can reinstate the relationship, when he has enough cash, by paying a fine and all the prior due parties etc., in a single instalment, by throwing a Re-Union Party, to every one the girl knows, might be including his friends as well.

Typically when the guy and girl get married, the guy shifts to a monthly payment basis, where the girl has access to his bank account, Pre-Authorized Cheques are used to settle the bills incurred. It is this reason that, marriages which result in girl having Cheques from boy never goes to a lapsed status.

In most cases, the is forced to take a loan, one day or the other due to burden on his shoulders, for which he needs to pay the interest. This loan, if small, it is generally due to a semi-annual non-sense party. This loan is generally paid back in EMIs on credit card.

However, when there is a responsibility of a child, the loan is a larger amount. The larger loan acquires interest on a yearly basis, in the form of the kid's education and other bills like dresses etc.

The Merchant of Venice - Saga of Emptiness

It has happened many a times that I felt like Antonio, I was sad just without assuming any reason whatsoever. And many times, I found Bassanio coming to my rescue, pulling me out of the vacuum of life. The sadness for no reason was not a pleasing effect.

However, it gave me an insight to what I have done over the years. In 22 years, I did never find myself lost in the desert, since, people at home made sure, I was always supported. Since, I've been very much attached to my family, I've been kind of a baggage which they are forced to carry. I look up to them when I am down, and they are left with no option other than helping me out. After many re-assessments, I feel my mirror was unclear due to be curtains, I put across them. I no longer feel like Antonio, he was lost in the crowd, and turned into a Shylock, the beast, disguised as Antonio. I had to rush for cover, where my identity is not revealed. I'll runaway to a place where people around would not find who I am, nor would they bother whether, I'm Antonio or Shylock...

Since, the first time, I came to know about Shylock, the Jew, I admired his persona, his dedication, sincerity and all other such qualities associated with him. But, now I am sorry for my admiration which panned out to be a drug, which I was getting addicted to slowly. My nature has turned to a silent killer, the saboteur who threw away his conscience at a time when it needed water, food and light to grow up.

I was tracked down long before I could decide upon a plan to run into hiding, and summoned in the court of law, where I was uncovered by Portia and the Shylock was shown his real face, the ugly face which he himself was hiding from. The revelation, however, brings joy, since, I have a better understanding of myself. My perception of the fear, that everyone portrayed with me, as love made me a wild animal.

My belief that we are to pay for our crimes in this life itself, has been proved right, in what I would call the journey in search of my soul.

The Rabbit and The Tortoise

I guess most of us did hear the story of the "The Rabbit and the Tortoise"...

The story you always knew...

Once in a jungle, there lived and Rabbit and a Tortoise. The Rabbit was a fast like the wind and the tortoise would need 10 slower than the Rabbit. One day, the rabbit offered to race against the tortoise to prove its superiority. The tortoise being a good friend and a humble creature, accepted the challenge to the other end of the Jungle.

The race began, rabbit ran as fast as it ever could. And the tortoise made progress at a very low pace. The rabbit stopped just inches away from the Finish line, so that it could complete the race ahead of the tortoise such that the tortoise would know of its inferiority. But, then the tortoise was too slow and was not to be found in the vicinity of the rabbit. Hence, the rabbit decides to take a quick nap while the tortoise would show itself up nearby. The tortoise kept walking at its usual pace. It was after some hours that it neared the Finish line and found the rabbit asleep. It finishes the race and becomes the Winner.

Moral: Slow and Steady wins the race.

The story that fits in place now...

Once there was a Rabbit (Dedicated employee: finishes his/her work early) and there was a lazy colleague of the Rabbit (we call him the Tortoise). These people had a task assigned by the Lion (the Manager, who is good at assigning tasks). Both of them are asked to complete the same piece of work at the end of the day.

The rabbit who is good at work, starts at a good pace, finishes his part of the work within three-fourth time. But, the tortoise is able to complete on 30% of the allocated task. So, the Lion assigns 60% of the Tortoise's task to the Rabbit. The rabbit being a dedicated employee, abides by him. The tortoise completes its share of 40% in time and leaves for home, but the rabbit required to spend an additional 20% more time to finish the task re-allocated. So, the Tortoise wins the race, emerges the Winner.

Moral: Slow and steady wins the race. As long as you have some person who exploits your competitor.

You gotta tell me who is the smarter of the Rabbit and the Tortoise in the second case...

Rules... Boys Unplugged...

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear from the female side.

The Rules
Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note, these are all numbered 1 ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.

Courtesy: A mail from a friend Saket Sharma

The Best Company in India...

My Company (ABC Pvt. Ltd.) is the Best Company in India... becoz it is the only company which recruits all the best brains in a batch in the Colleges which it visits for recruitment... there are few points every employee in ABCPL should know...

1. ABCPL pays a compensation which is second highest in the market for the freshers... after 1 year it is the Competitors freshers who receive more than the 1yr experienced guy at ABCPL.

2. As a step to cut its costs, it introduced the Employee Benefit Plan, to save the bucks from the food sudsidy of Rs. 20.00 per meal per day per employee.

Calculation: 20 * (52*5) (No. of Meals in a year per employee) * (60000) (Approx no. of employees) = Rs. 312 Million per year.

In turn showing the emplyee that they would save tax on an amount of Rs. 36000.00 (approx Rs. 3600.00 per year per employee) (previously each employee received Rs. 5200.00 benefit for the food subsidy)

3. Annuation Fund... for God's sake no employee would stay for life in ABCPL, so the fund you contribute towards it is not accessible till u retire... since noo other company has this format implemented... my suggestion invest in an annuity tht will help you for ur pension, and the fund is accessible to you whenevr u want...

4. Medical Benefit... the amount stays with ABCPL until u submit ur claims... means interest for ABCPL... more profit...

5. The end year appraisal was delayed by 3 months so that they interfere with the mid-year appraisal thing... to stop/delay promotions...

6. The ACs are shut down many times between the day, they call it as the Maintenance period, arey bhai kitne baar maintenance karoge...? Previously, the ACs were shut down at 8.00pm, but now, sometimes they shut them down at 7.30p.m. ... ppl are not bothered... most associates got habituated with these cheap tricks...

7. Coffee cups were made smaller in size (chota cup, kam daam; less coffee/tea more savings)

8. Recently, they introduced the Cafe Coffee Day coffee machine... associates liked it as a result, the coffee usage grew (bole toh loss...)... so they put back the previously installed NesCafe coffee making unit... giving an excuse, Coffee concentrate out of stock, or Coffee unit is damamged, or most ppl didn't like d coffee frm the CCD coffee dispensing unit... I have no reason to complain, since I might have a coffee/tea once in a fortnight or a month...

9. Use of sub-standard tissue-paper in the Wash-room.

10. Ask for some stationery from the Help-desk, We're out of stock, supplies will come this Friday, is the reply... so that we do not bother them again during the week... On Friday, the stocks were in but there was a limited supply...

11. Green World initiative, less paper for print... (limited to 25 pages, previously 30)... notebooks have now lesser pages (previously 60, now 4), size reduced to one-fourth of earlier... then how do u make notes...?

12. Alike all other IT & ITes companies, associates are trained on some Tech and are asked to work on a different tech... keep me out I'm not trained on any technology... they feel its not my cup of tea...

I don't know if I'm correct with my explanation or interpretation... please comment...

24th September...

Strangely, the days we are supposed to celebrate, teach us lessons which we are never ready for. This was the day when I stepped into my professional career, I started earning bucks on my own. But, this was the same day when I learnt to live in fear, no it is not the Organizational threat, it was a lesson from Mother Nature...

On 24th September 2007, I was ready to attend my First Day at Office with the enthusiasm of a child who was being taken to a fun-park... My dad accompanied me to my Office, he waited at the gate till I waved him bye, just before entering into the Office... but then rain intervened and everyone standing at the gate to see-off the Freshers were welcomed to the lobby area to take shelter... I thanked God for giving me an opportunity to see my dad again before the journey began... I was feeling like a child being taken away from his/her mother... I decided to take the step towards accepting reality as it comes...

When I tried to relieve myself from the awkward feeling, I realized the interiors of my new-Workplace resembled some unrealistic movie set-up. We were asked to wait in a class room. The class-room however resembled a Hi-tech class-room in my Engineering college. The recruitment team head came to welcome us to the Corporate World. In few minutes they started with their routine procedure for new-joinees. We were supposed to Sign some documents and attend an Orientation programme designed for new-joinees. The recruitment team head who gave the welcome lecture, said, We do not have employee bonds in Cognizant. The reason they assume is that, Associates do not quit Cognizant since, the love it. However, reality is quite far away...

In an hours time, we finished signing all the documents that they wanted us to get signatures on. Then came the Party time, someone came up in the break time, and said that we would be distributed Free Meal Coupons... we felt like, we were at the right place at the right time... The food was at its normal quality standards...(nothing out of the box)... but little did we know, as time passes away... choice becomes habit and habit loses its essence...

At 3.00 PM, we had a topic for gossiping... wht Tech and Vertical we wud be assigned... but in a quarter hour... the results were out... my dream to be a developer were shattered to pieces... Some good man arrvied and announced that associates from Mechanical Engg and Civil Engg branches were allocated to Testing Domain...

In the evening, at 6.30 PM, when I came out of the Office it was still raining cats and dogs, just to say that Mother Nature was shedding tears which I barricaded in my eyes. That is when I realized that, I should the share the amazing feeling of what it is to be in a Job, with my Mom and Sis back home. I rushed to the Telephone Booth and made 2 quick fire calls to my Home and my very dear friend, Divya. I had to tell many things about my office, to my mother and sister, but time was short, since, I had to accompany my dad to railway station, to catch his train for return journey.

We packed up his baggage and were set to leave at 7.30PM. Once again rain intervened with an increased intensity. None of the Taxis were ready to take us to the railway station, since the road was waterlogged with water up to 1feet height. When we were all out of options, we decided to board a Local Bus. The buses were overcrowded due to unavailability of Taxis. The first bus which crossed the bus stop, was over-overcrowded. The next bus attender/conductor, didn't allow us to board with the single bag we were carrying. I asked my dad to board the bus from the front entrance, I somehow managed to board the bus from the rear entrance along with the bag. After 90 mins of gruelling journey aboard the bus, we reached the Howrah station.

Still to add...